I spent the weekend with a group of friends in which I am unique in not having an eating disorder. Now they aim to be "good" when we all meet up, there will be at least one proper meal (this time it was vegetarian spaghetti bolognese) and snacking is encouraged. As someone who usually eats at least two meals a day, I find that I get pretty hungry by the end of it.
The group time finishes and people head off to their own homes, it's just me and one friend left, with a couple of hours to kill before my train. We wander around the town and, as I was hungry we stopped in a small coffee shop where I bought an overpriced cheese panini and some carrot and coriander soup.
And I ate. And it was good.
It was good in the way that simple food when you are properly hungry is good. When you feel just pure joy that bread and cheese and soup exist. That the simple act of eating can be so wonderful. It was good in the way that makes me understand why people used to give thanks before every meal.
The conversation at this time has evolved to her feeling so faint that she doesn't think she can carry on walking, but not eating because she "feels sick", and I'm sat there practically glowing in my love of food.
Now, the dilemma; do I allow myself to show how good this makes me feel?
Is it showing off? rubbing her face in her illness? Will she think I'm faking the enjoyment for her benefit? Should I fake enjoyment at eating at other times? Should I not eat in front of her?
Is there a right answer?
