Lighter fuel was a constant from my being about 12 until I was 15. Quick and dirty, the way I like my drugs. breathe in enough to see stars, hear the noise. Be straight again not much later, just with a banging headache.

I never got in to smoking, my friends did a lot, I never liked the slowness, the being unable to think - like you had to drag your thoughts through treacle. Of course, if it was offered I would never turn it down. Not the first couple of years, not until I learnt that whiteys are just not fun. the only fun times I can remember having on it was through eating it, pretty much the only time I can remember seeing the point of the other Pink Floyd stuff was after ingesting large amounts of cannabis yoghurt in a squat in Newquay and watching the wall. I think my main issue with smoking is it makes you fucking boring to be around, no interaction at all...

Speed was my first love, started that when I was 14. Clubbing at least three nights a week, at one point a wrap would get me through all three nights (pink champagne, oh yes!). Speed is an honest drug, brings you up, rushes you around, then leaves you feeling like shit for the next day. The way a drug should. Before I got kicked out of school I used to take it before writing my essays, once the initial rush was done, I'd have pages and pages of writing that I'd just have to take the interesting bits from. It's much easier now with computers ;)

The first time I took acid, I didn't think it had worked, so I started to walk home as I had school the next day. Two hours later I am lying in an allotment staring at the rain falling in me in rainbow drop colors. Acid has taken me so many places, and the amount of laughing that you do is beautiful. If only the time it lasts could be cut by half (hello 2CB! I wish you'd turned up earlier, you might have saved my crappy job at 15) Acid showed me that I am an animal guide, that I can find the universe in a glass of lemonade, and it is possible to laugh so much you hurt for a week after. To those about to talk about people thinking they can fly, I refer you to Bill Hicks "Take off from the ground!... you ever see a bird take an elevator?"

E I didn't do til Leah Betts died, after all the fuss had died down a little and it came out about the water. After that I did a lot, I had psychic experiences, I had therapy, I had the most intense postive emotions. Which for a 15 year old SIer was really needed. E post moral panic - The idea of having therapy where both parties are on e is something that I think could work amazingly well for getting past initial barriers, with strict controls, I hope they start to look into that again. But that's a rant for another time. Personally, I credit E with enabling me to overcome a lot of trauma by allowing me to trust and have physical contact with amazing friends.

So between 14 and 18 I did a lot of the above, interspersed with a lot of what ever was around. "oh, your crazy neighbour gave you his meds because he thinks they are poisoned by his support worker? Awesome! I wonder what happens when we mix 2 blues, a white and a yellow one?" "Prozac helps with E comedowns? let's try it!" "diazapam what's that? oooh nice" "of course we can have jellies for your birthday" "Lets candyflip"" "school trip? let's drink cough syrup" (Never did get on with dissociatives). Ryvita and banana skins don't work, but neroli oil does...

I spent 6 months in Newquay, where it all got a little bit darker. Apparently there can be more consequences on drugs than having a bad come down. You'd think with a junkie brother I'd have learnt that earlier.

Moved to London, had a staff party where lines of something were being handed out, turned out to be K. Which is a horrible drug (I refer you back to cough syrup - bleh) anyway, the next morning my boss found me sat in a doorway with a tramp, who had just bought me a cup of tea. Awesome. Turned out to be a good investment on his part, every time I saw him after that I gave him whatever change I had.

Still in London, NYE 2000/2001 - My first proper cocaine. I'd had a couple of lines here and there, but I was still caught up with the idea that the only truly awful drugs were coke and heroin, This time, I had a couple of grams to myself, and few pills and an amazing night. From then on I never looked back. For the next 7 years I don't think I went more than a week without any. Rock stars and managers, back stage passes, thousands of pounds, drinking Cristal from the bottle, yet still able to work my arse off. It was the perfect drug for me. You start to ignore the warning signs, you have a nosebleed from one nostril, you can use the other, you're taking it before a job interview, you have it set up so you can have it from the side of your bed. You miss half of your graduation evening because you are trying to score.

The other drugs fell out of sight, no longer of interest. If it was a big night we might get in some MDMA or something, and we did occasionally plan for three days of acid (first day to take, next day to come down, third day to complete recovery). But coke became everything.